You Know I'm Never Far
by Emagen Laile
Summary: Sequel to Whispers in the Dark. Merry doesn't think she's good enough for John, and his actions with an alien woman only prove it. S/OC


**You Know I'm Never Far**

Merry was walking down the hall with her computer, a mug of tea in her hands, when she was overcome by the oddest sense of having done this before. She looked up, fully expecting to see John standing in front of her, a smirk on his face, even though she knew that he was off world on a mission, and would be for the next few days.

She didn't know when John had become such an important part of her life. She could pinpoint the minute where she had realized that she couldn't sleep well without him, and when meals became boring with him, but when her days were filled with thoughts of where he was…?

She had never thought that being in love would mean being so…involved.

She and John had a meal together at least twice a week- more if he was on base, less if he was off world, like today. They went on a date- where one or the other set up something special- at least once every couple of weeks. One time, he had set up a radio and they had danced in a jumper over the ocean. Another time, she had arranged for the football games of the past week to be sent on the next transmission. He had been able to skip through the commercials, and they had had popcorn and beer as they watched the games.

They often, though not every day, spent the night in one or the other's room. At first, there had been a lot of teasing about that. Her friends had giggled and whispered when he came out of her room, and his had teased him mercilessly when she came out of his. Soon, though, that had settled down, and someone looking for one of them would just as soon look in the other's room.

Dating- or what was considered dating- on Atlantis was very hectic, very public, and could be interrupted at any moment, but they had been trying for nearly six months now, and it had been going great. It wasn't perfect, but it was close.

She made it to her lab without incident, seeing a stack of files on her desk. There had been a discovery last night, after she had left; Leslie had let her know that she wasn't needed, but that Doctor Ames, their boss, would leave the information for her to go through in the morning. Merry often wrote up the astronomy department's discoveries, mostly because Ames didn't like to and the others took far too long.

Flipping through the files, she got to work.

Merry paced John's room anxiously, listening to the chatter in the gateroom but not talking. John had been expected back two days ago, but he had been delayed. The team had radioed, asking for more time and permission to bring the leader of the people and a few others through the gate. Permission had been given, and two whole days had passed. Merry wondered what was taking so long.

She often waited for John to get back from missions in his room. He would let her know if he wanted to see her when he got there, but more often then not they would shower together and clean him up, preparing him for a mission briefing. If they had time, they would go to the mess and eat with his team, but sometimes, on rare occasions, he would be in a hurry or injured and would ask her, politely and with a kiss, to leave. She understood; it was part of dating the base's military commander.

She heard the whoosh of the gate as it activated and tensed. There were no injuries expected, but that had often been the case before and accidents did happen.

She listened carefully as the team was given permission to come through- they had gone via another planet to keep the site of Atlantis secret- and waited with bated breath for the few seconds before they did.

She smiled when she heard Carter's voice. "Welcome back, Colonel Sheppard."

Two hours later, she still hadn't heard from John, and he hadn't come back to his room yet. She was beginning to worry; she hadn't yet resorted to calling him yet, but she had come close. Very close. She had reached up to tap her radio, even, but had stopped with her fingers mere inches away. If John were busy, he wouldn't appreciate her calling.

She paced anxiously. Usually, briefings didn't last this long. Of course, she had been wrong before; on one previous occasion, it had taken nearly four hours. She glanced at her watch, tapping her foot before beginning another round of his room.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when his door slid open. She grinned.

"Hey."

He looked at her blankly, exhaustion etched on every inch of his face. "Hey."

She frowned. "Do you want me to leave?"

He paused. "No."

She walked over to him, a gentle smile on her face. "Are you sure? If you're tired, I can come back."

He grinned tiredly. "Nah. You can help me get ready for bed, though. I gotta get up early. There's some visitors- I don't know if anyone told you- and Carter volunteered me to give them a tour of the city." He paused again. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

She smirked. "I have the day off. Why? Need some help?"

He stripped off his shirt. "Not really." She frowned. "But I would like some."

She grinned. "Absolutely. I would love to."

Merry woke slowly the next morning, her arm thrown across the bed and the sheets tangled around her legs. The sunlight was streaming through John's windows, painting a picture across her back. She turned on to her side and looked at the clock. She blinked.

It wasn't possible. They had not…

"John?"

She spun around on the bed, pulling the blankets with her. She put a hand on his shoulder "John? Wake up."

He groaned and swatted her hand away. "Go 'way."

"John? It's nearly eight o'clock. We need to get up."

He blinked up at her sleepily. "What?" She could see the moment when comprehension dawned. "What? I'm giving the…the…the people a tour at nine!"

Merry nodded. "I know. I have to get back to my quarters and change. Where do you want me to meet you?"

He began to roll himself off the bed. "What? Oh, meet us in the gateroom. Where's my towel?"

She untangled the sheets and stood up, naked. "It's in the bathroom." She giggled at the star-struck expression on his face. "What?"

He shook himself. "No. We don't have time."

She laughed. "We certainly don't. I'll meet you in the gateroom in an hour, alright?"

He nodded, standing up. He hadn't untangled the sheets, and they tightened around his ankles. He fell, hard, and she giggled as she left, ignoring the rather nasty words coming out of his mouth.

It took Merry less than five minutes to get to her rooms, and less than forty to get ready. She was showered, dressed, and looking highly presentable, wearing the uniform pants with a nice top. She pulled her hair back and clipped it, leaving it loose but out of her face. She had tried something a little fancier, once, but hadn't really liked it.

She glanced at the clock and smirked. Fifteen minutes left; she would have laid odds that she was going to beat John there.

She made it to the gateroom in less than ten minutes and waited patiently at the base of the stairs, with one of the guards that seemed to be escorting the group. His name was Captain Sanchez, and he was very pleasant. He held his P-90 loosely in his hands, and grinned while he talked. They passed the next five minutes rather pleasantly, talking about nothing in particular.

The captain jumped when John walked in, coming to attention immediately. John smirked.

"At ease, Captain." He glanced up at Carter's office, looking relaxed and comfortable in his uniform. "Our guests should be here momentarily."

They spent the next minute in an awkward silence. Merry wanted to giggle. John's hair, normally forced into a relaxed position, was a little flatter than usual. If she had had to guess, she would have said that he skipped that part of his morning routine. She thought she could detect a faint bit of stubble next to his ear, and there was a nick on his chin. She would have commented, but Carter was walking toward them, a strained expression on her face, and a small group of people following her.

Carter nodded at the Captain, who had stiffened again, and stepped to the side. "Mistress Cerone, you know Colonel Sheppard. This is Captain Sanchez, your escort, and Doctor Steel, one of our most prominent scientists. Colonel Sheppard has agreed to give you a tour of Atlantis. Colonel, Captain, Doctor, may I present Cerone ara Alavard, Bennic ara Gesoon, Kisima ara Traia, and their escorts, Serda, Maylir, and Kye, all of Vera." She had stumbled over a few of the names, but finished with a smile.

The entire delegation was tall, had slanted almond-shaped black eyes, long black hair, and rich, reddish gold skin, and they all had markings of some sort on their faces. They all wore what appeared to be leather, in tunics and leggings that all ended in fringe; the women wore long, beaded dresses. Bennic was an older, thin man, with a narrow face and a perpetually angry look on his face. He had lines of red, blue, and green painted on his cheeks and nose. There was a spiky pattern to the embroidery around the collar of his tunic that brought anger to mind. Kisima, on the other hand, was a very young woman, not more than seventeen, with orange and white lines on her face. She had a cheerful smile, a round face with faint freckles, and was pleasantly plump, with dimples on her shoulders that matched those on her face.

But it was Cerone who was the obvious beauty of the group. She was lean and slender, and her face was beautiful, heart-shaped, and delicate. Her lips were full and pouty. She had painted lines of blue, red, and dark purple, but these were also echoed on her arms and hands. Merry frowned at the look on the woman's face; she was watching John with an avid look. Her dress was more elaborate than the others; tighter, with long fringe from the shoulders that nearly touched the floor, each ending in a bead of blue or red. There was a pattern across the hems of the dress that evoked images of flowers, but Merry didn't think the woman was flower-like at all; she exuded a sense of sexuality that almost overrode her beauty.

John smiled. "If you will follow me, then?"

Merry gritted her teeth when Cerone wrapped herself around John, gripping his arm and leaning against his side. Of course, John didn't seem to be protesting. Bennic followed behind them, a frown on his face, and Kisima walked next to Merry, looking around with a wide grin and an expression of wonder. She chatted away in her own language while John talked; it was beautiful and almost musical. Of course, Merry didn't understand a word the girl said.

They walked the corridors slowly, allowing the guests to see Atlantis' magnificence. Cerone hadn't let go of John's arm, and he seemed to be talking only to her; he barely answered Kisima's questions, and ignored Bennic totally.

Merry could feel her teeth clenching, but it was difficult to maintain her anger with Kisima around. The girl seemed fascinated by everything, and Merry found an intelligence buried under it all that made her wonder.

The tour took almost three hours; the Verans seemed curious about everything, and proved to be avid listeners. Bennic had become less tense as the tour continued, while Kisima had kept a running commentary. They ended in the commissary, where a veritable feast had been laid out for their guests. John showed them what to do, and each chose the foods that seemed to appeal. The Atlanteans, including Captain Sanchez, had been invited to stay and dine with them, and all agreed. The ever-present guards, the ones that had been following their guests, stood at a distance.

Merry wasn't surprised when folded herself into the chair next to John, practically wrapping herself around him. John seemed totally oblivious to everyone but Cerone; he looked love-struck. He was even eating a plain cheese sandwich; he hated those. Merry fell into the chair on the other side of him, but he hadn't seemed to notice. Kisima sat next to her, and badgered her with questions through out the entire meal. The girl was insatiable. Sanchez and the three escorts were talking animatedly; Bennic was stoically eating his meal.

After the meal was finished (Bennic was done first, and sat there with his arms crossed and a thin line for a mouth), Kisima blinked and laughed. "Oh, Cero! We have to meet with Colonel Carter again! We will be late…"

She trailed off as Cerone threw her a dirty look. The woman's voice was smooth as silk. "Of course. How could I have forgotten? Thank you, Kisima dear, for reminding me." Kisima looked down at her plate, blushing faintly. Bennic stood, an unreadable look on his face. Kisima followed, not talking. Cerone unwrapped herself from around John.

Merry took the opportunity. "Captain Sanchez, could you escort our guests to Colonel Carter's office?"

Cerone's eyes flashed angrily, but Sanchez didn't notice. "Of course. If you'll follow me?"

The Verans walked away. John was staring at them, a dazed look on his face. Merry nearly growled.

"What the hell was that, John?"

He turned to her, a blank look in his eyes. "Huh? Oh, Merry. Sorry." He turned to watch Cerone's slight figure saunter away. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Merry could feel her eyes fill with tears, and turned away. She left him standing there and ran back to her rooms.

She didn't like it when people saw her cry.

It was dark before the chime rang on Merry's door. She had spent most of the afternoon sobbing, but as the day went on, she had felt her anger and humiliation fade. She was sitting in the dark, the lights of Atlantis outside the only thing visible.

She didn't look up. "Come in."

The door slid open, revealing her best friend, Leslie Tanner. Leslie squinted in the darkness. "Mer? Where are you?"

Merry didn't move. "On my bed."

Leslie waved her hand over the panel and activated the lights. Merry blinked in the sudden brightness. Her friend took in her rumpled appearance and red eyes and threw her arms around her.

"Oh, Merry! What's wrong?"

Merry sighed. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

Leslie kissed her gently on the cheek. "I can tell that something's wrong, Mer. What is it?"

Merry smiled at the taller woman. "Nothing. Really. I was upset for a little bit, but I got over it."

Leslie frowned. "Is this about that…that woman that was throwing herself all over Colonel Sheppard?"

Merry nodded, venom edging her voice. "Yeah. _Cerone_. She's a representative of Vera."

Leslie hugged her friend tightly. "Just because she's throwing herself on him, Mer, that doesn't mean anything…"

Merry gave her a sad, angry smile. "He invited me with last night, to help him give the tour. Then, when she shows up, he completely ignores me. I wanted to slug her, you know? But then I saw the look on his face. It's almost like…almost like he wants her. I don't know. Maybe he does. But he certainly doesn't want me."

Leslie gasped. "How can you say that? You two have been the perfect…you've been great together, these past few months. Why aren't you in there, taking it out on that little tramp?"

Merry giggled. "Les!" She lost her smile just as quickly. "It's not her fault, Les. Seriously. I thought John and I…well, if all it takes is some little…little _slut_, then he can't really…he doesn't really…"

Leslie kissed her friend again. "I think it's a little more than that. You should fight for your man, Merry. I can understand that _woman_ throwing herself on him- I mean, the guy's a hunk, Mer- but you need to lay claim. Tell her off. Prove that you're the only woman for him."

Merry looked up at her friend, tears filling her eyes. "How do I know that I am?"

Merry avoided John for the next two days, until the delegation from Vera left. And even after that, after he seemed to regain his senses, she wouldn't go anywhere near him. She worked harder than she had before, finishing all of her paperwork in record time and beginning to work on other things; recording current data, going through the Ancient database, anything to avoid going back to her quarters. She ate her meals in her office, and though Leslie had tried to talk to her about John, she refused.

Leslie thought that she was giving up. She wasn't. She was just giving John exactly what he had wanted. If he wanted Cerone, then she would give him Cerone.

Doctor Ames, her supervisor, had praised her for work well done, but the satisfaction had gone out of it. Normally, she would have raced over to John's quarters, or he would be at hers, and they would celebrate. But she just wasn't what he wanted anymore.

To be honest, she was surprised that it had lasted this long. Colonel John Sheppard was pretty well known with the young women of Atlantis, and wasn't shy with alien women, either. He was a very good-looking man, and she was just a plain little thing.

What would a guy like that see in a girl like her?

She made it to a week and a half before he finally found her. He was pacing in front of her room, and before she could turn and run, he caught sight of her.

"Merry!"

She wanted to turn and walk away, but she knew he would follow. It would be easier just to get it over with. She sighed in resignation and opened her door. She stood in the opening, blocking his path.

"What do you want, John?"

"I just want to talk to you." His eyes, those beautiful, changing eyes, were staring at her, pleading.

She looked up at him, a dull look in her own eyes. "About what?"

She turned away from him and walked into her room, not caring if he followed her or not, but knowing that he would. He stood next to the door awkwardly while she collapsed onto her bed, staring at him.

He was silent for a minute, and she began to get impatient. "What did you want to talk about, John?"

He sucked in a deep breath. "I'm an idiot."

She fought a grin; knowing that he didn't want her didn't make him any less desirable, and she couldn't help but react as she normally would. "That's fairly obvious."

He smirked. "Don't defend me or anything." As she continued to stare at him, he sighed. "I've been an idiot more than once in my life, but I screwed up spectacularly this time." When she didn't stop him, he continued. "I ignored you when Cerone was here. I'm sorry."

Merry frowned. "Is that it? That's all you have to say? Not, 'Goodbye, I'm in love with another woman and I don't need you anymore?' Just I'm sorry?"

He held up a hand. "Wait a minute. I never said I was in love with her! I acted like an idiot around her, and while there's a perfectly good explanation, I wanted to apologize first…"

Merry stood up, glaring. "An explanation? What could possibly explain the way you treated me?"

John threw up his hands. "She's a Vixen!"

Merry glared and turned away. "You don't have to tell me!"

He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "No, you don't understand…"

Merry spun, tears falling down her cheeks. "How can I not understand that you want her more than you want me!"

He pulled her towards him, with her fighting the whole time. "No, I don't. I want you, Merry. I want you more than I could ever want her."

She began to sob in earnest. "Then why…"

He smiled at her. "She's a Vixen. No, don't interrupt. She's got these…Keller said that she's got these pheromones that draw men to her. She was using them on me. The second that we figured that out, she was asked to leave. It took a couple days to get them out of my system. But I never, not once, stopped loving you. Just cause she was beautiful and sexy doesn't mean that she's more beautiful than you. Or that you are at all any less sexy."

She smiled up at him through her tears. "You think…you think I'm sexy."

John wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh yeah. Definitely the sexiest woman here."

She giggled. "We're alone."

He kissed her soundly. When he came up for air, she stared at him, eyes darkening with need. "I know."

When they finished making up, and it was making up, because he really had to work for it, they lay together in her bed. He was tracing circles on her bare shoulder, and she was playing with the fingers of his other hand. He leaned down and kissed her shoulder.

"I love you, you know."

She smiled up at him. "Yeah, I do."

He kissed her shoulder again, a little higher this time. "I really love you."

She giggled. "I know."

He flipped her over and straddled her waist, fingers poised to tickle her sides. "Say it."

She laughed, eyes shining. "Say what?"

He began to tickle her. She laughed and screamed at him to stop, finally giving in. When she had caught her breath, she looked up at him, hoping that her eyes would say what she was afraid to say out loud.

He kissed her gently on the lips. "I love you, Merry Steel."

She smiled at him. "I love you, John Sheppard."

He kissed her again. "There's no one else but you."

She giggled and tried to flip him. She knew when he gave up, because she succeeded. "I know."

He laughed when she tickled his ribs, and then gasped as she tickled his sensitive areas. She kissed him again, and he kissed her back. Then there was more laughter.

They watched the sunset from her bed, and as she watched him fall asleep, she put her head on his chest. She kissed his jaw.

"There's no one for me but you."

He kissed her hair. "I know."

There was silence, and then he kissed her again. "There's no one for me but you, and I love you."

She looked up at him, joy shining in her eyes. "I know."

He smirked, running his hand down her ribs to her hips. "Women will always want me."

She laughed. "And that wasn't self-centered or anything, right?"

His eyes turned serious. "They'll always be a woman throwing herself on me. Just ask Rodney. And they'll probably always be guys who want to do things to you that only I should do. I want you to know that you're the one."

She smiled. "I know that too. And even if fifty guys…" She giggled at his suppressed growl. "Even if fifty guys are chasing after me, you're the one that I'll come home to. I just want you to know that."

He kissed her shoulder. "I'll always come home to you."

She rolled onto her back, looking into his eyes before capturing his lips in a kiss. "I love you, John."

His eyes darkened. "Home's here, with you, Merry. I'll always come home, and I'll never be far from you. I love you."

She laughed as he rolled on top of her, and her toes curled as he kissed her. They didn't talk after that.

AN: Well, this is the (long) awaited sequel to _Whispers in the Dark_. Stay tuned for the next part of the saga, _Tears to Roses, _coming soon. Thanks to all who reviewed Whispers; you're the reason there is a sequel!


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